I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
