Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
