I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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