She went from zero to smokin in five shots
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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