And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
