Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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