she was so not down for the gang bang
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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