ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
