I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
my poor anus
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
