Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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