Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
