i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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