There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Every concussion has its silver lining
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
