i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
