i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
