I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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