i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
