Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
