If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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