I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
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