Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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