If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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