dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
