Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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