Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Randomize
