Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
