hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
