Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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