My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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