i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
