Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
As shirtless as possible
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
