SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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