ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
