k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
