Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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