Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
it's great music for shaving your balls
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
