i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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