I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
