Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Randomize