No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Randomize
