i just wanna soil my oats bro
Duck Duck Cougar?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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