Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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