omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
