this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
