I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
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