You don't have asthma, your pregnant
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
