i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
