I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
