You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
