im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
