it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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