he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
