she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize