I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
