I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
