I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
