when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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