She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
