I love black thongs
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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