no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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