CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Randomize
