Do you still have your period?
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
