good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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