I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
