i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
