yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize