Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
