And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
