picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
