I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
