And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
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