I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize