Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
