Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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