sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
