I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
